Over the years I have posted numerous articles and write-ups on my blog and my social media pages, and each time I’m always careful to post only what I know to be truth through personal experience and many hours of deep thought and prayer. But of all the lessons and advice I have ever posted, this one is to me one of the most powerful and effective lessons I have ever learned.
Emeka was a young Taekwondo-ka I trained with back when I was competing in tournaments. He was one of those fellows who you would call naturally gifted; long limbs, flexible and with good reflexes, Emeka made Taekwondo look beautiful. His kicks were strong and his footwork and stances were textbook perfect. In fact, with the right training and attitude, Emeka could have gone all the way to the world championships…even the Olympics. Yes, Emeka was THAT good!
But Emeka had one serious flaw which I believe derailed his chances of becoming a world class martial artist. He always had an excuse to give every time something went wrong. If he arrived late for training and missed a spot on the team, he blamed it on traffic, or the rain, or something else; whenever he lost a match, he complained that the referee was being partial to the other guy; if he failed to break a board during grading test; he blamed it on the person holding the board. That was Emeka for you; he blamed everyone and everything else except himself. Before long he was dropped entirely from the team and his conclusion was that the coach was tribal and jealous of him. The last time I saw him he was hanging around the National Stadium, obese, unkempt, telling anyone who would listen about his glory days as a fighter and how the envy of those he was better than caused them to conspire against him and end his career. I tried to feel sorry for him, but it’s hard to feel pity for someone who never took advantage of his unique gifts, or took responsibility for his failures.
If this story does not strike a chord with you, then you’re not being sincere to yourself. Our society teaches us to hold others responsible for our failures, and blame something other than ourselves for our shortcomings. We are conditioned to believe that our poverty; lack of education; disadvantages, and even spiritual immaturity are the handiwork of “the enemy”, regardless of our decisions, lifestyle or lack of commitment. People flock to churches where they are told that unseen enemies are to blame for their lack of wealth and physical and psychological discomfort. They spend time praying and fasting against their fellow man, and seeking for miracles from heaven in the form of “covenant helpers” to magically provide them with things that so called “unbelievers” wake up and go out and achieve every day through hard work, dedication, and personal sacrifice. We are a society of blamers, and between the secular zeitgeist and the religious programming, we are taught to blame and not own.
Success is a process, and that process begins with first owning your reality. Whatever your reality is right now; whether it is your fault or not, you must accept responsibility for it before you can change it. When I finally decided to accept responsibility for my failures I discovered that I was no longer concerned with whom or what caused them. All I was interested in was how to change the situation. Yes there are bad people out there who seek to take from you and destroy you, but there is also a God who loves you and will replenish and multiply…all you have to do is accept responsibility for where you are and begin to work towards getting to where you want to be. If like Emeka you choose to blame everyone and everything else for your failures, you will never hold yourself responsible for your success. Remember that where you are today is as a result of the decisions and actions that you – or someone who has authority over you – have taken in the past. So if you want a change you need to accept responsibility for your shortcomings and work towards overcoming them. Are you poor? don’t blame society or government, accept responsibility for your finances and start working toward riches. Are you obese? Stop blaming your moods and circumstances and accept that it’s your responsibility to get fit. Are you unhappy or dissatisfied? Stop blaming your past, accept your present, and begin to create your ideal future now! So accept responsibility for what you don’t have today, and when you do you will become empowered to go out and get it all.
Because before you can change it, you have to own it. Check out my website www.ifeanyiubawords.com for more content. Cheers!